Inspiration From Memories And A Taco

Tuesday, May 6, 2025

Inspiration from Memories and a Taco

Good morning! As I contemplated the day, I wondered what would inspire me as I bit into my morning taco. Hey! That’s it! The taco will be my inspiration today. I went to bed last night, and sometimes, when I lie there before the sandman comes, I can get anxious, and that does not bode well for a restful night. However, the new me —the more self-aware me —said to myself, “These are just thoughts, not reality.” It’s ok to think about it, but it doesn’t mean it will happen or that it’s real. Then I remember who I am and tell myself, You cannot let doubt and fear creep into your life anymore. And as I felt myself start to drift off, I prayed for inspiration.

This morning, I woke up to hear Calvin wanting to go out at 5:00. He had been restless the last couple of nights. He hears things outside, growls, and then wants to go out. I don’t mind getting up to let him out for a legitimate reason, but this is just to bark at some critter wandering around out there. I must stop putting out any food for the birds and rabbits, as it might lure them at night. I don’t mind that he goes out, but sometimes he starts barking at 3 A.M., and that is not cool. The other night, he got up so many times that I lost my temper and yelled at him. I never yell at Calvin, because, well, you can’t yell at him. You just can’t, but I have trouble sleeping as it is, and have been trying to have a better sleep routine and stop taking so many sleep aids, like gummies and Advil PM. So, getting disturbed like that ruins not only the night but the next day as well. That said, I was now awake and ready to start the day.

What I do first thing, besides letting Cal and/or Angel out, is make coffee and turn on NPR.  Then I go back to bed with a cup, listen to the news, look at my emails, and yes, Facebook. Sometimes my phone shows pop-up photos, and today, a couple of pictures of my brothers popped up. One was from 2014, I think. Stacey and I were walking at Kingston Point Beach with the dogs, and it made me smile. He loved the dogs. He loved everything and was interested in everything. He loved to do things together, and he was so helpful. He just wanted to be with me all the time. It didn’t matter what we did as long as we were together. One time, while he was staying with me near the end of his life, I was working in my office on a presentation I had to give to some engineers. He stuck his head in my door and asked what I was doing. I told him, and he came in to see. I forgot what it was, but he could have done the presentation only by reading the slides, while I had been doing it for 20 years and was nervous. But that was Stacey, brilliant, personable, lovable. As I watched that long-ago video, I remember he said How about we get a shot of the dogs running towards us? That was Day-Day (our term of endearment for him), always creating and unafraid to try anything.

Then it made me sad, but at least it was a nice memory. Then I came across one with my brother Chris, and I was at his house on Pearls Place with Calvin and Polly. It must have been 2015 because that is the year I got Calvin. Calvin was just a puppy. Seeing these photos makes me realize who I am. I come from special stock. My brothers are all handsome, talented, and so intelligent. I miss Stacey and all my brothers every single day, and I feel that it is my duty to carry on and keep their memories alive. So, back to the taco, I am a grown-assed woman, and I can eat a taco for breakfast, and I am of the same stock as my brothers. That is who I am. That is my inspiration. They are all talking to me. Now I have to decipher what they are saying. I am hoping for a stroke of brilliance. I want to channel them.

I can’t talk about inspiration creatively without mentioning Colin. Colin was the most handsome of my brothers, in my opinion. He was very special to me. We were four years apart, and we were very close.  Colin was brilliant, like the rest of our family; he was also extremely talented and had a wicked sense of humor. He was a musician who played guitar like his father and uncles. He also wrote, directed, and made all kinds of videos that entertained us endlessly. He was hilarious and lovable, but very sensitive and insecure. He loved animals more than people (a trait we both shared), and he had a strong sense of justice. He and I both have a fierce love for our dogs, and we shared our deepest thoughts and feelings. But Colin couldn’t find peace in his life, and like so many other sensitive souls, could not remain in this earthly world. Colin deserves a whole book, not just a paragraph, but I feel his presence, and I must keep him close in my heart. Maybe by keeping them all close, I can channel some of their creativity and talent.